Tag Archives: embarrasing moments

Keep Your Distance!

I am not an especially clutzy person.  I have my moments of clumsiness, but overall, I am not too bad.  But this week….this week I can only be described as a walking catastrophe.

On Friday night I went to stay the night with my friend Courtney.  We had a great night of junk food, movies, and Gilmore Girls.  The change in my luck didn’t start until the wee hours of the morning.  In the middle of the night I got up to go to the bathroom.  I had been trying out this adorable eye mask that Courtney made for me, so when I got up I pushed it up on my head so I could navigate the unfamiliar bedroom.  I was walking back to the bed and just about to get in as I reached up to put the eye mask over my face, when my arm and my face slammed into the eave that was on my side of the bed.

I cried out and stumbled into the bed.  Courtney was instantly awake and her slumbering dogs were now at my side ensuring I was ok.  I rubbed my face as I laughed at my clumsiness.  I had said earlier in the night that those eaves were going to be treacherous in the night…how right I was.

My next moment of misfortune happened only hours later.  We had slept in, but eventually we made a plan for the day.  We were headed to the base for some shopping and Taco Bell deliciousness.  I had just finished getting ready and was headed down stairs when my foot caught the edge of the top stair.  My feet flew out from underneath me and my bum and back slammed into the staircase.  I was holding the railing which only made me flip sideways as I crashed down the stairs.  Not only did my holding the railing turn me around, but it meant that all the muscles on my left side were jerked and twisted as I tumbled down.  I lost my grip as the pain tore down my arm and my side, and I hit my head on the stairs.  I felt like I was in a car accident and it was all happening in slow motion.  Eventually I tumbled into the wall and lay in a jumbled heap.  I have never in all my life fallen down an entire flight of stairs.

My body felt like someone had taken a bat to it.  My neck, back, tailbone, shoulders, ribs, and arms were all sore.  As the day wore on I only got more and more sore, and by the time I made it home to Ben I was practically immobile.  Ben took wonderful care of me, cooking and providing me with lots of pillows.  The only exception to his wonderful nursing skills was when he momentarily forgot about my pain and slapped my butt as I walked to the kitchen.  I nearly cried.  He kept apologizing and saying, “I didn’t mean to, it was out of habit!”  He looked so cute I couldn’t help but forgive him.

The next few days were very painful, but with the help of a pillow at work and lots of Tylenol, I made it through the day.  I left the office today and carefully made my way to the bus stop.  It was pretty icy out, so I watched every step I took.  When the bus finally arrived, I had to step in a big clump of snow to get on.  Not good.  I paid the bus driver for my ticket and was trying to zip my wallet when he started to pull away.  I quickly grabbed for a handle but not before the ice on the bottom of my shoes sent me sailing down the center aisle of the bus.  I crashed into the seats and my wallet tumbled out of my hand as change and receipts flew threw the air.  Quarters, pennies, nickels, pound coins, fifty pence, ten pence, and two pence coins rained down on the first three rows of seats.

All the clatter caused the bus driver to slam on his brakes which only made me slip again and as I reached for a rail I tumbled into a seat which was thankfully vacant.  He shouted out and asked if everything was ok.  Oh yeah, great, thanks pal.  I said yes, but could have slapped the man for not just waiting 10 seconds for me to sit down before he hit the gas.  After barely waiting for my response he was off again.  The ladies in the seats around me all bent down and started grabbing coins and handing them back to me.  From two rows away, one lady loudly called out, “well aren’t we rich.”  She apparently was the one picking up the 50 pennies.

I gathered all my coins, thanked the women who helped, and then tried to sink into my seat so that no one could see my face that was blazing red with embarrassment.  As I walked home, I couldn’t help but fear every slippery surface, every uneven stone, and every wobbly bike rider.  When I saw our house, I smiled and sighed heavily.  I made it home, and at the rate I am going, that seems something to be thankful for!


Late Night Escapades

I am a late night person.  I don’t feel truly awake until about 7pm and then I am full on energy.  Early on in our marriage this was the cause of most of me and Ben’s arguments.  I wanted to stay up late doing well, anything, and Ben wanted to go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Ben has always catered a bit to me on this, but eventually as I have gotten older (sad but true) and had to wake up for work every day, I see the need for sleep.  I no longer can run on 4 hours of sleep, or at least not well.  I have finally become a real adult and enjoy going to bed before the wee hours of the morning.

I hate forcing myself to go to bed but it must be done.  I had done just this last Tuesday and after my mind raced for a long while, I eventually drifted off to sleep.  I was then abruptly woken up around midnight when shouts and peels of laughter came seeping through our walls.  Our neighbors were apparently having a mid-week party outside in the back garden next door.  I could hear every word they said, hear every shout of exclamation, hear every out-of-pitch tune they sung, and every bottle of beer that was opened. It was like they were sitting on the edge of our bed.

I grumbled to Ben about how ridiculous this was as it was Tuesday evening, but there wasn’t much we could do.  I assumed they would only be our there while they smoked cigarettes as it was raining, but that wasn’t the case.  They stood out there a good 20-30 minutes.  Finally after flipping to and fro angrily in my bed I got up and went to the bathroom where I could spy on them without them seeing me (as our bedroom looks directly over the garden).  I could hear them even louder in the bathroom.  I decided I was going to send a message.  I sneakily lifted our blinds and opened the window.  I then slammed it as hard as I possibly could.  There was a hush of voices as the sound echoed through the air.  I nearly broke the glass panes, but it was quiet.  I smirked to myself as I walked back to our bedroom but I had no sooner sat on the bed, when all the voices started back up.  I was beyond irritated.

I got back into bed and tried to calm myself down.  I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything other than the ruckus outside.  After some period of time, I turned to Ben and pleaded  with him to call the porters.  I couldn’t handle this.  He sleepily got out of bed and dialed the number only to find there was no porter about.  Naturally.  I shoved my pillow and blankets about like the noise intruders could see what they were doing to me.  Of course, this only irritated Ben I am sure.  I flipped on my stomach and pulled my pillow tightly over my head.  The noise was barely subdued.  I tried to fall asleep, but it was to no avail.  Ten minutes later I had had it.  I could think of nothing else but how every minute of sleep was slipping away.  I was not having that.

I threw back the covers, tossed my pillow on the floor (a tantrum which only Ben could see of course) and stormed across our bedroom.  I crossed our living room to the front door and jerked it open as fast as I could.  All the lights in the hallway flicked on as I marched down stairs in my pajamas.  I didn’t care how I looked or the fact that it was raining outside.  I quickly made it to the bottom of the stairs where I threw the door open to the back garden and let the door slam against the wall.  That got their attention.  I then yelled into the night, “I AM SORRY, BUT DO YOU THINK YOU COULD PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN AS THERE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP?!!!  YOU HAVE NOW WOKEN MY ENTIRE FAMILY UP TWICE (they don’t need to know that only includes me and Ben) AND I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU BE QUIET!!!!”  It is amazing how easy it is to yell at people on the other side of a wall!  As soon as I had finished my rant, the apologies were lobbed over the wall and I felt empowered.  I had put an end to it.  I forcefully shut the door and went back up to my flat.

The group quietly headed indoors and I felt quite content as I snuggled into bed beside Ben.  He was elated that I had acted so drastically and couldn’t stop laughing at me standing in the rain in my pjs yelling over the wall.  I had acted completely crazy, but it felt good!  I don’t plan to have any repeats, but it was nice to know I could get a little worked up if I need to.  The lesson here, don’t go messing with my sleep.  If I can’t be up late, nobody can.  At least not on weekdays.

Embarrassing Moment #9 Spring Cleaning Mishap

My department at work has been restructured over the last two months and because of this, there were a lot of changes that needed to take place.  The biggest change was that we were moving desks, getting rid of old filing cabinets, getting new filing cabinets, and moving our payroll department into the adjacent office.  With all moving, cleaning, and clearing out, we decided to have a dress down day where we shut the office to get ourselves organised.  I love organising things, so I am always eager for these kind of days.  And then there is the reality that I just love any excuse to wear jeans to work!

I woke up that morning and felt especially excited about the day.  I get to wear jeans and my favorite OU t-shirt.  I was rumaging in my closet when I found that my favorite pair of jeans were clean.  I have had these jeans for years so I took a good look at them debating on whether I wanted to clean in them or not.  These were my favorite jeans but they were also my oldest which made them the best candidate for cleaning.  The only problem was a small little tear near the crotch.  I took a good long look at it and couldn’t decide if it was worth the risk.  I showed them to Ben who said, “It is only one day, they’ll be fine.”  So with that vote of confidence I put them on and headed to work.

We had a great morning.  We got the majority of the moving done by around 10:30 and even though Ben had said I would be fine, I found myself being cautious when I was bending down.  For those of you who know me, you will completely understand why I felt especially cautious.   We had finished all the big stuff and were now just moving small boxes.  It was then that I made my fatal mistake.  I bent down to pick up a heavier box and in order to use my legs instead of my back (as they always tell you to do), I pushed my knees out a bit like a frog and that was all it took. I heard the rip and suddenly I felt a woosh of cold air hit my inner thigh.  I looked up with panicked eyes to my colleague who had heard the same thing. She quickly made sure none of the guys came over to our side of the room.  I needed to assess the damage before I tried going anywhere, so I bent down and looked between my legs to find a three inch tear all along the seam of my favorite jeans.   Oh man!  Thankfully it was on the inside of my leg and wasn’t really that obvious to anyone who didn’t know it was there.  Still, I needed to change pants.

I grabbed my sweatshirt and wrapped it around my waist and sat on the floor and organised folders until lunch.  We were going to order lunch and thankfully the pizza place is near my flat, so I just had my colleague drop me off so I could quickly change pants.  I walked in the house to find Ben making lunch and he looked at me quizically as I dashed into our bedroom.  He came in and asked what I was doing home and it was then that I tossed my jeans at him for him to see how his advice had worked out.  This of course sent him into a fit of laughter and made me question if he had really thought I would make it a whole day in my pants, or if he was just hoping this exact scenario would occur!  As funny as the moment was (for everyone else), I found myself a little sad.  My favorite jeans had just died.  Right along with my dignity.  So much for my professionalism. 🙂

Nine Days and Counting

Can I just say that I hate being away from Ben?  I don’t mean to be one of those overly sappy, mushy women (but I am and you all know it), but I just can’t help but miss my husband.  Ben left this morning for San Francisco for a few conferences and I am just at a loss at what to do with myself.

He left at about 6:10 this morning and as soon as he left I was wide awake and just dreading the next nine days.  I finally decided to just get up and get ready.  I continued to lament his absence on my way to work despite listening to my happy music.  I got off the bus and was nearly to the door when I realized that I had left my scarf sitting on the seat next to me.  And not just any scarf, but my favorite one.  DANGGGG it.  If anyone had been watching me, they would have literally seen me kick at the ground.  I am still angry at myself for even taking the stupid thing off.

I finally got off work and headed home to an empty house.  There is nothing worse.  I heated up dinner that Ben left me (how amazing is he?) and then ate a ridiculous amount of chocolate and nutella toast.  My self-control apparently goes out the window when Ben is gone.  After dinner (and A LOT of dessert) I started to do May ball research and then I got side tracked with What Not to Wear.  I was inspired by the drastic hair change and decided to try to curl my hair with a straightener.  I failed pretty miserably.  Half of my head looked wonderful and the other half looked like I had been electrocuted.  It was not a flattering look.

As I was finishing my hair, Say Yes to the Dress came on.  This is the one show that Ben will not watch, so this was a fun treat.  One of the girls had this amazing South Carolina accent and before you know it I found myself flipping my hair over my shoulder, talking to myself in the mirror in this deep Southern accent.  It was pretty amazing if I do say so myself.  Then I realized what I was doing.  I was in the process of losing my mind.  Ben isn’t gone 24 hours and I am already talking to myself.  This is not a promising picture.

It isn’t that I don’t like alone time or time with friends, but I am just really, really crazy about Ben.  He is the best husband a girl could ask for.  All I know is that everyone who sees my hubby over the next week better enjoy their time with him…because once he returns, he is all mine!  One day down honey, nine to go.

The Jared Diet

I don’t love British food.  It isn’t that the ingredients are disgusting, it is more so the combinations of the ingredients that kind of repulse me.  Salmon and baked beans baked potatoes and pepperoni and corn pizza just don’t work for me.  Uck.  So on our nights out, we can’t help but get excited about the consistency of McDonald’s and Subway.  I hear angels sing every time I walk into Subway.  The bread, the melted cheese, the unlimited soda…sigh.  My mouth waters just thinking about it.

Subway is normally something I really look forward to, and today was no exception.  I met up with Ben after work and we scuttled in and hopped in line.  We started ordering and we were pleasantly surprised when the girl behind the counter actually struck up a conversation with us.  She chatted while our sandwiches toasted and then moved down the line as she started putting the toppings on.

Now, as I have stated before, I am a fairly picky eater, and I can’t help but love the fact that Subway caters to this.  I can get my sandwich made as simple as I like.  Meat, cheese, and mayo.  Yep, that’s it.  Sometimes I go crazy and get lettuce and tomato, but not today.  The girl asked if I wanted salad (that is what they call lettuce) and I said, ‘no, I would just like light mayo.’  She looked from my sandwich to my face and back again.  She said, ‘you don’t want any salad?’  I said no thank you and she just kind of paused before she replied, ‘getting fat.’  I am sorry, but did the Subway girl just say I was getting fat?!  So I like my mayo, can you really blame me?  I did choose Subway over McDonald’s, that has to count for something.  Not to mention, I got the light mayo!

I have a great-aunt on my dad’s side of the family who was always very vocal about whether or not I was gaining or losing weight, and I would prepare myself every time I was going to see her for what her comments would be.  If I had put on any weight, she would say, ‘oh Raquel (she is hispanic and never really called me Rachael), you are really looking chunky.  Maybe you should go on a diet.’  This was obviously never something I looked forward to hearing, but I could handle it as she was family.

There are a lot of things family will say that strangers would never dream of saying.  Apparently we have been visiting Subway too often.  When the staff start sounding like your great aunts, you know you are in trouble.  I may have to put some distance between us as this kind of openness won’t be good for my complex long-term.  What am I saying?  Nothing is going to keep me from Subway, not even ‘getting fat’ comments.  So bring on your worst Subway girl, you can’t keep me away.

Embarrassing Moment #8 – Intimate Slip Ups

This past weekend Ben was away at a conference so I was left to wander listlessly through Cambridge for several days.  Thankfully, my friends Nicki and Eric invited me over Friday night for dinner and a movie.  It has been a long time since I have been the third wheel and I found myself fidgety for the first hour or so.  With the help of Nicki’s amazing cheesecake, and the manicure and pedicure she gave me, I was finally able to relax and just be myself.  A little too much you might say.

We each settled into our own couch after finishing dessert and prepared for the movie.  The movie had just started when I began making comments.  Yeah, I am one of those people.  I make a ton of comments throughout a movie, then get annoyed when anyone else does it.  A total double standard I know, but that is the way it is.  So, I quickly realize that I am way too comfortable, making comments here and there, but I couldn’t stop myself.  After about twenty minutes, the movie pulls me in and I finally stop making little quips every two minutes.  I am absorbed in the movie when the inevitable happens.

I am so focused on the movie that I have forgotten who I am with, and I make some comment out of the blue.  Only, I don’t say it in my normal voice.  No, I choose that moment to use this ridiculous voice that I only use with Ben.  I don’t know how to describe it, but it is a cross between this soft little girl voice  and Kermit the frog.  Weird, I know.  It is just what we do when we are joking.  Our families are really the only people (we choose to ignore the fact that random strangers hear us all the time when we walk through town doing this) who have heard us do this.  We try to keep these voices restricted to our home, but sometimes they just slip out.  The worst is when we are feeling particularly comfortable with our families and we use the voice with them.  Ben is the worst at this.  He is frequently using this strange voice with his sister, though if I am honest, my brother has received his fair share of it from me as well.  It isn’t so bad when it happens with family, but it is down right embarrassing when it happens with friends.

So, I was sitting there contentedly watching the movie when my comment slips out.  It actually took me a few seconds to realize that I had just done something abnormal.  I had spoken in this, probably creepy or insane sounding voice, and I didn’t immediately notice until I realized that Ben hadn’t laughed or said something back.  Of course he didn’t…he wasn’t there!  I sat there, my eyes glued to the television but not seeing anything.  I didn’t dare turn around to see if Nicki and Eric were exchanging looks with each other about their weirdo friend.  I felt my face burning in the darkness and my ears were listening for sounds of snickering.  Finally after about a minute, I slowly turned to Nicki who stared straight ahead at the movie.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, I don’t actually know that they didn’t hear it, but if they did, they hid it well.   I didn’t whisper it, or even say it under my breath, so I am just appreciative that no eye contact was made after the fact.  It is obvious I can’t be left alone too long or I start not only talking to myself, but I imitate a small girl with a frog in her throat.  This is not normal, I know. It is clear that I have lost all ability to control my outbursts.  This can’t be good.

Embarrassing moment #7 – Movie Mayhem

I am not an especially clumsy person.  As a matter of fact, I have always thought of myself as rather coordinated.  Last night though, I proved that even the most coordinated of people have clumsy moments.  And when I do clumsy, I go all in.

Ben and I went to the movie theater for our anniversary this weekend and we had just sat down in our seats when I decided that I wanted a snack before the movie started.  I had a few minutes, so I grabbed my purse and jogged down the stairs.  I ordered a small popcorn and a large soda which meant both hands were occupied.  I should have seen it coming.  Both hands full, stairs, and me in a rush.  There was no way this was going to end well.  I made it out of the lobby and up just a few stairs when my foot caught an edge.  Normally I would have been able to stay standing, but all my momentum was headed for the stairs.  So, as my shoe caught the edge I face-planted right into the stairs.  That would have been embarrassing but not terribly so.  What really put this one over the edge was the fact that when I fell, I put both arms forward to catch myself and instead slammed the popcorn bucket and soda cup right into the edge of the stairs, which caused the popcorn to go flying everywhere and soda exploded in all directions.  That is, all directions leading to my face.

My face was instantly drenched in soda and as I stood up I realized that it was dripping from my hair.  There was soda everywhere.  I had to blink several times before I could see because the stickiness was causing my eyelashes to stick together.  I quickly picked up my bucket that was lying in the midst of hundreds of pieces of popcorn and grabbed what was left of my soda and headed back down the stairs.  Everyone just stared at me, open mouthed.  I looked crazy.  Naturally there were no napkins to be found, so I had to go to the bathroom.  This is when I started receiving grossed out looks because I was taking my food in the bathroom.  Hello people, look at me?!  I am dripping wet and if you haven’t noticed, I don’t have any food or drink left!  I walked into the bathroom and saw that my mascara was running down one side of my face, my hair was plastered to the other side of my head, and my clothes were covered in the remains of my drink.  So much for looking good on this anniversary date.  I did what I could to dry my sticky hair and fix my face, but there wasn’t a lot that could be done.  To make matters worse there were no paper towels in the bathroom, just hand dryers, so I had to use toilet paper to wipe my face off.  Gross.

Finally I walked out of the bathroom and went to the counter where I explained what had happened.  The guy at the counter quickly grabbed my popcorn bucket to refill it, but not before he burst out laughing.  The girl who gave me a new drink also couldn’t help but giggle.  I looked ridiculous with half my head obviously wet and sticky and my clothes with splotches of soda everywhere.  I apologized for the mess and then headed back to the dreaded stairs.  This time I took my time.  Naturally, I got stuck behind an old couple who paused for an inordinant amount of time at the popcorn catastrophe and said, “oh my, it looks like someone has had quite the spill.”  If only they knew.