Tag Archives: Clumsy

Keep Your Distance!

I am not an especially clutzy person.  I have my moments of clumsiness, but overall, I am not too bad.  But this week….this week I can only be described as a walking catastrophe.

On Friday night I went to stay the night with my friend Courtney.  We had a great night of junk food, movies, and Gilmore Girls.  The change in my luck didn’t start until the wee hours of the morning.  In the middle of the night I got up to go to the bathroom.  I had been trying out this adorable eye mask that Courtney made for me, so when I got up I pushed it up on my head so I could navigate the unfamiliar bedroom.  I was walking back to the bed and just about to get in as I reached up to put the eye mask over my face, when my arm and my face slammed into the eave that was on my side of the bed.

I cried out and stumbled into the bed.  Courtney was instantly awake and her slumbering dogs were now at my side ensuring I was ok.  I rubbed my face as I laughed at my clumsiness.  I had said earlier in the night that those eaves were going to be treacherous in the night…how right I was.

My next moment of misfortune happened only hours later.  We had slept in, but eventually we made a plan for the day.  We were headed to the base for some shopping and Taco Bell deliciousness.  I had just finished getting ready and was headed down stairs when my foot caught the edge of the top stair.  My feet flew out from underneath me and my bum and back slammed into the staircase.  I was holding the railing which only made me flip sideways as I crashed down the stairs.  Not only did my holding the railing turn me around, but it meant that all the muscles on my left side were jerked and twisted as I tumbled down.  I lost my grip as the pain tore down my arm and my side, and I hit my head on the stairs.  I felt like I was in a car accident and it was all happening in slow motion.  Eventually I tumbled into the wall and lay in a jumbled heap.  I have never in all my life fallen down an entire flight of stairs.

My body felt like someone had taken a bat to it.  My neck, back, tailbone, shoulders, ribs, and arms were all sore.  As the day wore on I only got more and more sore, and by the time I made it home to Ben I was practically immobile.  Ben took wonderful care of me, cooking and providing me with lots of pillows.  The only exception to his wonderful nursing skills was when he momentarily forgot about my pain and slapped my butt as I walked to the kitchen.  I nearly cried.  He kept apologizing and saying, “I didn’t mean to, it was out of habit!”  He looked so cute I couldn’t help but forgive him.

The next few days were very painful, but with the help of a pillow at work and lots of Tylenol, I made it through the day.  I left the office today and carefully made my way to the bus stop.  It was pretty icy out, so I watched every step I took.  When the bus finally arrived, I had to step in a big clump of snow to get on.  Not good.  I paid the bus driver for my ticket and was trying to zip my wallet when he started to pull away.  I quickly grabbed for a handle but not before the ice on the bottom of my shoes sent me sailing down the center aisle of the bus.  I crashed into the seats and my wallet tumbled out of my hand as change and receipts flew threw the air.  Quarters, pennies, nickels, pound coins, fifty pence, ten pence, and two pence coins rained down on the first three rows of seats.

All the clatter caused the bus driver to slam on his brakes which only made me slip again and as I reached for a rail I tumbled into a seat which was thankfully vacant.  He shouted out and asked if everything was ok.  Oh yeah, great, thanks pal.  I said yes, but could have slapped the man for not just waiting 10 seconds for me to sit down before he hit the gas.  After barely waiting for my response he was off again.  The ladies in the seats around me all bent down and started grabbing coins and handing them back to me.  From two rows away, one lady loudly called out, “well aren’t we rich.”  She apparently was the one picking up the 50 pennies.

I gathered all my coins, thanked the women who helped, and then tried to sink into my seat so that no one could see my face that was blazing red with embarrassment.  As I walked home, I couldn’t help but fear every slippery surface, every uneven stone, and every wobbly bike rider.  When I saw our house, I smiled and sighed heavily.  I made it home, and at the rate I am going, that seems something to be thankful for!

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