Category Archives: Embarrassing Moments

Keep Your Distance!

I am not an especially clutzy person.  I have my moments of clumsiness, but overall, I am not too bad.  But this week….this week I can only be described as a walking catastrophe.

On Friday night I went to stay the night with my friend Courtney.  We had a great night of junk food, movies, and Gilmore Girls.  The change in my luck didn’t start until the wee hours of the morning.  In the middle of the night I got up to go to the bathroom.  I had been trying out this adorable eye mask that Courtney made for me, so when I got up I pushed it up on my head so I could navigate the unfamiliar bedroom.  I was walking back to the bed and just about to get in as I reached up to put the eye mask over my face, when my arm and my face slammed into the eave that was on my side of the bed.

I cried out and stumbled into the bed.  Courtney was instantly awake and her slumbering dogs were now at my side ensuring I was ok.  I rubbed my face as I laughed at my clumsiness.  I had said earlier in the night that those eaves were going to be treacherous in the night…how right I was.

My next moment of misfortune happened only hours later.  We had slept in, but eventually we made a plan for the day.  We were headed to the base for some shopping and Taco Bell deliciousness.  I had just finished getting ready and was headed down stairs when my foot caught the edge of the top stair.  My feet flew out from underneath me and my bum and back slammed into the staircase.  I was holding the railing which only made me flip sideways as I crashed down the stairs.  Not only did my holding the railing turn me around, but it meant that all the muscles on my left side were jerked and twisted as I tumbled down.  I lost my grip as the pain tore down my arm and my side, and I hit my head on the stairs.  I felt like I was in a car accident and it was all happening in slow motion.  Eventually I tumbled into the wall and lay in a jumbled heap.  I have never in all my life fallen down an entire flight of stairs.

My body felt like someone had taken a bat to it.  My neck, back, tailbone, shoulders, ribs, and arms were all sore.  As the day wore on I only got more and more sore, and by the time I made it home to Ben I was practically immobile.  Ben took wonderful care of me, cooking and providing me with lots of pillows.  The only exception to his wonderful nursing skills was when he momentarily forgot about my pain and slapped my butt as I walked to the kitchen.  I nearly cried.  He kept apologizing and saying, “I didn’t mean to, it was out of habit!”  He looked so cute I couldn’t help but forgive him.

The next few days were very painful, but with the help of a pillow at work and lots of Tylenol, I made it through the day.  I left the office today and carefully made my way to the bus stop.  It was pretty icy out, so I watched every step I took.  When the bus finally arrived, I had to step in a big clump of snow to get on.  Not good.  I paid the bus driver for my ticket and was trying to zip my wallet when he started to pull away.  I quickly grabbed for a handle but not before the ice on the bottom of my shoes sent me sailing down the center aisle of the bus.  I crashed into the seats and my wallet tumbled out of my hand as change and receipts flew threw the air.  Quarters, pennies, nickels, pound coins, fifty pence, ten pence, and two pence coins rained down on the first three rows of seats.

All the clatter caused the bus driver to slam on his brakes which only made me slip again and as I reached for a rail I tumbled into a seat which was thankfully vacant.  He shouted out and asked if everything was ok.  Oh yeah, great, thanks pal.  I said yes, but could have slapped the man for not just waiting 10 seconds for me to sit down before he hit the gas.  After barely waiting for my response he was off again.  The ladies in the seats around me all bent down and started grabbing coins and handing them back to me.  From two rows away, one lady loudly called out, “well aren’t we rich.”  She apparently was the one picking up the 50 pennies.

I gathered all my coins, thanked the women who helped, and then tried to sink into my seat so that no one could see my face that was blazing red with embarrassment.  As I walked home, I couldn’t help but fear every slippery surface, every uneven stone, and every wobbly bike rider.  When I saw our house, I smiled and sighed heavily.  I made it home, and at the rate I am going, that seems something to be thankful for!

Embarrassing Moment #9 Spring Cleaning Mishap

My department at work has been restructured over the last two months and because of this, there were a lot of changes that needed to take place.  The biggest change was that we were moving desks, getting rid of old filing cabinets, getting new filing cabinets, and moving our payroll department into the adjacent office.  With all moving, cleaning, and clearing out, we decided to have a dress down day where we shut the office to get ourselves organised.  I love organising things, so I am always eager for these kind of days.  And then there is the reality that I just love any excuse to wear jeans to work!

I woke up that morning and felt especially excited about the day.  I get to wear jeans and my favorite OU t-shirt.  I was rumaging in my closet when I found that my favorite pair of jeans were clean.  I have had these jeans for years so I took a good look at them debating on whether I wanted to clean in them or not.  These were my favorite jeans but they were also my oldest which made them the best candidate for cleaning.  The only problem was a small little tear near the crotch.  I took a good long look at it and couldn’t decide if it was worth the risk.  I showed them to Ben who said, “It is only one day, they’ll be fine.”  So with that vote of confidence I put them on and headed to work.

We had a great morning.  We got the majority of the moving done by around 10:30 and even though Ben had said I would be fine, I found myself being cautious when I was bending down.  For those of you who know me, you will completely understand why I felt especially cautious.   We had finished all the big stuff and were now just moving small boxes.  It was then that I made my fatal mistake.  I bent down to pick up a heavier box and in order to use my legs instead of my back (as they always tell you to do), I pushed my knees out a bit like a frog and that was all it took. I heard the rip and suddenly I felt a woosh of cold air hit my inner thigh.  I looked up with panicked eyes to my colleague who had heard the same thing. She quickly made sure none of the guys came over to our side of the room.  I needed to assess the damage before I tried going anywhere, so I bent down and looked between my legs to find a three inch tear all along the seam of my favorite jeans.   Oh man!  Thankfully it was on the inside of my leg and wasn’t really that obvious to anyone who didn’t know it was there.  Still, I needed to change pants.

I grabbed my sweatshirt and wrapped it around my waist and sat on the floor and organised folders until lunch.  We were going to order lunch and thankfully the pizza place is near my flat, so I just had my colleague drop me off so I could quickly change pants.  I walked in the house to find Ben making lunch and he looked at me quizically as I dashed into our bedroom.  He came in and asked what I was doing home and it was then that I tossed my jeans at him for him to see how his advice had worked out.  This of course sent him into a fit of laughter and made me question if he had really thought I would make it a whole day in my pants, or if he was just hoping this exact scenario would occur!  As funny as the moment was (for everyone else), I found myself a little sad.  My favorite jeans had just died.  Right along with my dignity.  So much for my professionalism. 🙂

Embarrassing Moment #8 – Intimate Slip Ups

This past weekend Ben was away at a conference so I was left to wander listlessly through Cambridge for several days.  Thankfully, my friends Nicki and Eric invited me over Friday night for dinner and a movie.  It has been a long time since I have been the third wheel and I found myself fidgety for the first hour or so.  With the help of Nicki’s amazing cheesecake, and the manicure and pedicure she gave me, I was finally able to relax and just be myself.  A little too much you might say.

We each settled into our own couch after finishing dessert and prepared for the movie.  The movie had just started when I began making comments.  Yeah, I am one of those people.  I make a ton of comments throughout a movie, then get annoyed when anyone else does it.  A total double standard I know, but that is the way it is.  So, I quickly realize that I am way too comfortable, making comments here and there, but I couldn’t stop myself.  After about twenty minutes, the movie pulls me in and I finally stop making little quips every two minutes.  I am absorbed in the movie when the inevitable happens.

I am so focused on the movie that I have forgotten who I am with, and I make some comment out of the blue.  Only, I don’t say it in my normal voice.  No, I choose that moment to use this ridiculous voice that I only use with Ben.  I don’t know how to describe it, but it is a cross between this soft little girl voice  and Kermit the frog.  Weird, I know.  It is just what we do when we are joking.  Our families are really the only people (we choose to ignore the fact that random strangers hear us all the time when we walk through town doing this) who have heard us do this.  We try to keep these voices restricted to our home, but sometimes they just slip out.  The worst is when we are feeling particularly comfortable with our families and we use the voice with them.  Ben is the worst at this.  He is frequently using this strange voice with his sister, though if I am honest, my brother has received his fair share of it from me as well.  It isn’t so bad when it happens with family, but it is down right embarrassing when it happens with friends.

So, I was sitting there contentedly watching the movie when my comment slips out.  It actually took me a few seconds to realize that I had just done something abnormal.  I had spoken in this, probably creepy or insane sounding voice, and I didn’t immediately notice until I realized that Ben hadn’t laughed or said something back.  Of course he didn’t…he wasn’t there!  I sat there, my eyes glued to the television but not seeing anything.  I didn’t dare turn around to see if Nicki and Eric were exchanging looks with each other about their weirdo friend.  I felt my face burning in the darkness and my ears were listening for sounds of snickering.  Finally after about a minute, I slowly turned to Nicki who stared straight ahead at the movie.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, I don’t actually know that they didn’t hear it, but if they did, they hid it well.   I didn’t whisper it, or even say it under my breath, so I am just appreciative that no eye contact was made after the fact.  It is obvious I can’t be left alone too long or I start not only talking to myself, but I imitate a small girl with a frog in her throat.  This is not normal, I know. It is clear that I have lost all ability to control my outbursts.  This can’t be good.

Embarrassing moment #7 – Movie Mayhem

I am not an especially clumsy person.  As a matter of fact, I have always thought of myself as rather coordinated.  Last night though, I proved that even the most coordinated of people have clumsy moments.  And when I do clumsy, I go all in.

Ben and I went to the movie theater for our anniversary this weekend and we had just sat down in our seats when I decided that I wanted a snack before the movie started.  I had a few minutes, so I grabbed my purse and jogged down the stairs.  I ordered a small popcorn and a large soda which meant both hands were occupied.  I should have seen it coming.  Both hands full, stairs, and me in a rush.  There was no way this was going to end well.  I made it out of the lobby and up just a few stairs when my foot caught an edge.  Normally I would have been able to stay standing, but all my momentum was headed for the stairs.  So, as my shoe caught the edge I face-planted right into the stairs.  That would have been embarrassing but not terribly so.  What really put this one over the edge was the fact that when I fell, I put both arms forward to catch myself and instead slammed the popcorn bucket and soda cup right into the edge of the stairs, which caused the popcorn to go flying everywhere and soda exploded in all directions.  That is, all directions leading to my face.

My face was instantly drenched in soda and as I stood up I realized that it was dripping from my hair.  There was soda everywhere.  I had to blink several times before I could see because the stickiness was causing my eyelashes to stick together.  I quickly picked up my bucket that was lying in the midst of hundreds of pieces of popcorn and grabbed what was left of my soda and headed back down the stairs.  Everyone just stared at me, open mouthed.  I looked crazy.  Naturally there were no napkins to be found, so I had to go to the bathroom.  This is when I started receiving grossed out looks because I was taking my food in the bathroom.  Hello people, look at me?!  I am dripping wet and if you haven’t noticed, I don’t have any food or drink left!  I walked into the bathroom and saw that my mascara was running down one side of my face, my hair was plastered to the other side of my head, and my clothes were covered in the remains of my drink.  So much for looking good on this anniversary date.  I did what I could to dry my sticky hair and fix my face, but there wasn’t a lot that could be done.  To make matters worse there were no paper towels in the bathroom, just hand dryers, so I had to use toilet paper to wipe my face off.  Gross.

Finally I walked out of the bathroom and went to the counter where I explained what had happened.  The guy at the counter quickly grabbed my popcorn bucket to refill it, but not before he burst out laughing.  The girl who gave me a new drink also couldn’t help but giggle.  I looked ridiculous with half my head obviously wet and sticky and my clothes with splotches of soda everywhere.  I apologized for the mess and then headed back to the dreaded stairs.  This time I took my time.  Naturally, I got stuck behind an old couple who paused for an inordinant amount of time at the popcorn catastrophe and said, “oh my, it looks like someone has had quite the spill.”  If only they knew.

Embarrassing Moment #6

We haven’t had hot water in our shower for the last three weeks.  It has been extremely frustrating and very cold.  The college is trying to fix it, but they are having trouble diagnosing the problem.  We occasionally get little spurts of hot water, but they don’t last more than two or three minutes so there’s no time for playing around. 

Ben had just finished working out was getting ready to attempt a shower while I went out for a quick run.  I was in the kitchen and Ben was standing in the doorway of the bathroom talking to me.  He continued to talk to me as he turned on the shower to see how the temperature was.  The glass steamed almost immediately, so he quickly stripped and jumped in.  I walked into the bathroom as the door was still open, and told him I would be back shortly and then turned to our front door.  It was as I opened the door that Ben shouted out and I realized the bathroom door was still open.  Uh-oh.

When I opened the door Ben had yelled out “shut the door!”  It was at that moment that our neighbor Eddie walked directly in front of our door that was…wide open.  At the sound of Ben’s voice Eddie looked up and…well, you can guess the rest.  Did I mention that our shower is glass and has no curtain?  Yeah, not good.   I quickly stepped outside and slammed the door.  I started babbling to a flustered Eddie the moment I was outside.  I explained that I hadn’t even thought about the door being open, and said, “what are the chances that anyone would be walking by our door at that exact moment?!”  Seriously, no one has EVER walked by at the same time we open our door!  Thankfully Eddie just smiled and laughed and quickly changed the subject to ask where I was running.  I happily obliged him and began talking about my new hobby.

I am pretty certain that he didn’t get too good of a view as I think (in a vague sort of way) that the glass was fogged up and all you could see was Ben’s outline.  And there was also me standing in the doorway.  Nonetheless, I opened the door and gave our neighbor (who we barely know) quite the view.  Thankfully it wasn’t his fiance walking by!   Poor Ben couldn’t do anything but wonder how much he had seen.  I guess it’s a good thing he’s been working out!

Embarrassing Moment #5 – My Sticky Beaks Boycott

As I am now working I am not as flexible in when I can meet up with my girlfriends for coffee (or rather hot chocolate in my case).  So this week we arranged to meet up for coffee on Saturday morning to just catch up and chat for a bit.  There are a couple of good coffee shops in the area and we picked a new one that several of the girls hadn’t been to yet.  I have been there a couple of times and though I like the atmosphere I wasn’t that crazy about their hot chocolate.  Hence, when all the girls decided on that shop, I decided to be rebellious and get a drink from somewhere else and just bring it along.  Big, big mistake. 

I rushed into Starbucks, who makes amazing hot chocolate by the way, and quickly ordered my drink to go (they actually make the drinks in their glass mugs here unless you specify a paper cup).  I quickly walked to the other shop and sipped on my delicious cup of hot chocolate with a few extra pumps of vanilla.  I learned that delightful trick from my friend Dani who used to work at Starbucks…so tasty!!  Anyhow.  I did feel a little awkward bringing in my Starbucks cup, so I hid it behind my scarf and hat that I was holding (all those layers finally come in handy).  Most of the girls were already there and so I just slipped into the booth and started chatting. 

Once all five girls were there, they went and ordered coffees and then sat back down at our corner table that we were sharing with a few strangers (the place was packed so we were pretty tight on space).  One by one the girls drinks were delivered without incident.  Then as I was taking a sip of my drink, the final drink was delivered to the girl next to me.  It was at this point that the woman delivering the drink pointedly looked at me and said, “would you like to order something from here?”  I guiltily looked up but replied, “no thank you, I am fine.”  She just stared at me for a minute as if debating whether she really wanted to humiliate me.  She did. 

I don’t remember the precise order of the conversation but she then proceeded to tell me that they did not support chain shops and that they would appreciate it if I didn’t drink that into their shop.  I apologized, and then as if to test me she said, “are you almost done with your drink because I could throw it away?”  I replied that I had a little left.  She then proceeded to say, “tell me when you are done and then I will come and throw your cup away.”  I sat there just so embarrassed as everyone around us could hear the conversation taking place.  Thankfully my friend Nicki spoke up at this point and said, “we’re sorry but you see, the five of us wanted to get coffee here so we didn’t think it would be a problem for her to bring in the one drink.”  I love you Nicki!  The girl then just reiterated what she had said about not supporting the chains and for me to let her know when I was finished.  Yeah, I got the point, you want to throw my drink away!  But sorry, I paid £2.60 for this drink and I am finishing it!

To be honest, I completely understand a local shop not wanting you to bring in outside food or drink.  That is why I would normally never do it.  However, instead of insisting that we meet at Starbucks (again) I thought I would just grab my favorite drink and bring it along.  The shop did in fact have four of the girls buy drinks.  The real point of my rant is that she handled the situation poorly.  There is a way to make a point, but embarrassing a person is not the way to do it.  She could have just spoke softly and asked me to not bring in outside drink in the future.  She could have joked with me and said, “Starbucks!  Why would you want that when you can have our tasty hot chocolate?!”  She could have handled the situation in ten different ways, but she didn’t.  Needless to say, I probably won’t be returning.  As cute as the place is, I am just not a fan of bad service or rude employees.  I don’t mind being corrected, but handle the situation with tact or humor.  Apparently her mother never taught her about winning friends with honey instead of vinegar.

Embarrassing Moment #4

I am now gainfully employed.  Well, I am employed at least.  I am working in the HR department of one of the oldest car companies around.  Literally, they celebrated their 102 anniversary this year…crazy.  I started working on Monday and let me just say what a LONG week it has been.  After four months of reading, meeting up with friends for coffee or tea, watching movies and getting up whenever I want (which was never before 9am), the last three days have been painful.  However, I have a job, so I am thankful. 

I was hired knowing that the first few weeks I would be helping them get organized as they have been a bit back-logged the last few weeks.  I should say so.  I have spent the last 24 hours at work filing.  Non-stop.  I haven’t ever filed this much.  I don’t know how my good friend Gerry did this every day.  Well, he didn’t, because his filing room was beautifully organized and manageable.  This one is like stepping into a black hole.  Anyhow. 

I split my time between the filing room and my desk where I alphabetize thousands of pieces of paper.  You should see my fingers…yikes.  This afternoon I was at my desk checking the HR database to see which employees were active and which ones were not, listening to everyone around me chatter on about random tasks and projects.  Today was some kind of departmental review day so all the HR business partners (our bosses) were there as well as a few guys from IT who were fixing things.  Then there were the five people I sit with and the HR director.  The room was packed.  In these settings, I become a bit overwhelmed as the various accents all meld together to sound like an entirely different language.  It was at this point that a man from IT suddenly barged in and everyone went silent.  He looked around and asked if anyone was in the HR database.  Someone behind me quickly said, I can see that at least one person is.  That person was me.

I looked over my shoulder and said, “do you want me to help you with something?”  He looked at me and opened and closed his mouth but for the life of me I couldn’t understand what he was saying.  I quickly turned around toward my computer hoping he would come over and just tell me what he wanted me to look up, but he didn’t follow.  He started speaking and again, I couldn’t understand anything he said.  What was wrong with me?!!  The man was clearly speaking english as everyone else seemed to understand, but the words were so smashed together that I couldn’t decipher anything he was saying.  I said, “pardon, but what would you like me to do?”  At this point he just stared at me.  My face burned as I knew everyone in the room was listening to this whole exchange probably wondering what in the world is wrong with the new girl?!  I quickly glanced at the girl to my left and she said (loudly I might add), “he wants you to get out of it.”  Oh!!!!  I reached for the mouse and hit the close button as soon as she uttered the words.  I couldn’t get out of that program fast enough. 

Thankfully the man smiled and then walked out the door.  I turned back to my seat as everyone slowly started talking again.  I just pushed stacks of paper to and fro for a few minutes as I was too embarrassed to look up or say anything.  Eventually I got back to work and pretended like nothing ever happened.  Now I know if that guy ever walks in again, don’t turn around and offer any help.  Let someone else do the talking and I will just automatically close out of all programs I am currently in.  Seems like a good plan until I get Rosetta stone, “crazy mushed english version.”