The Elusive Virtue of Contentment

Contentment is an area of my life where I really struggle.  This time in our lives has been very unique in that we don’t have any of our belongings here except our clothes.  I have grown to be a lot more content with what I have, but there are others areas of discontentment that have snuck up on me.  The things I long for now are not so much material but relational and experiential.

I long for the closeness of our families.  I miss my friends from home.  I have missed everyone these last two years, but what I am experiencing now is an acute sense of sadness at the distance between us.  I find that it consumes my mind sometimes.  It isn’t so much that I am ready to go home because I love it here in Cambridge.  I want to soak up this time we have here and enjoy it for all its worth.  At this moment in time I am not looking to get home earlier than planned.  But that doesn’t keep me from wishing I could just get on a flight tomorrow and spend a few weeks with our families and friends.  I long for home and all that comes with that.

I could never describe our time here as anything but an incredible opportunity, but even the most amazing of experiences have downsides.  As with anything new, there is a honeymoon phase and our time in Cambridge was no different.  I was absolutely enchanted with the city and the English way of life.  Everything just felt so quaint.  Even now there are days that I walk down the street and find myself smiling as I look at all the beautiful architecture and cobblestone streets.  It feels like a dream come true.

I love the city, but I find that occasionally certain things will hit me like, the fact that I really want to drive a car.  And it isn’t enough to drive here.  I don’t want to endanger my life or the countless others that would inevitably be casualties of my desire to be behind the wheel.  I want to be on the right side of the road on the left side of the car cruising down the interstate at 75 miles an hour.  I want to be able to just get in a car and drive to Wal-Mart (yes, I honestly fantasize about this!) and not have to walk 20 minutes bundled in just the right amount of clothing so that I don’t sweat or freeze.

It is strange, because a lot of people ask me how I feel about not being able to have kids yet, and though I can’t wait to have babies, I find that I am content in this area.  We have been trying to start a family for over two years and as much as I really long to be a mother and start that next phase of our lives, I don’t feel the need to obsess about it.  In reality, I don’t have a lot of control over when this happens!  For some crazy  reason, I am content to wait on God for this.  This has been the first time in my life I have experienced contentment despite not being where I want to be.  It seems so bizarre to me.  How is it that I can be content to not be able to have children, even though this is my one of my greatest ambitions, and yet I am so discontent about going home for a few weeks?

I know it may seem crazy to miss home so much, but I guess it was inevitable that I would get homesick at some point in this whole adventure.

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One response to “The Elusive Virtue of Contentment

  • Carol Games

    Being content is a lifelong journey! We keep learning how to be content with different things and in different areas of our lives, sometimes daily! It is a growing experience in our relationship with the Lord, trusting that HE knows just what we need, when we need it. I am learning that right now again!
    Be encouraged my sweet daughter, the Lord knows your longings, he can fill them all. It is in his timing that everything becomes what it should be.

    Family is important, if we didn’t need each other God would not have made families to start with! We each have something unique to offer, the greatest of these is love, to love one another always. DIstance cannot break the true bond of family but makes us realize our deep desire and need for one another.

    Enjoy what God has given you for this season, for it too shall pass quickly!

    I love and miss you both very much,
    Love Mom/Carol

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